What if it All Came Crashing Down?

I keep envisioning this image of myself as a juggler, trying to simultaneously spin multiple plates on his hands, feet, elbows, knees, hips, head, and any other body part one could possibly balance a plate. I've been spinning them pretty darn well for a long time, balancing a child with diabetes, a struggling and rebellious teenager, a stubbornly demanding nine year old, three jobs - one of which is on call and very unpredictable, a range of familial problems, a husband who has changed jobs four times in sixteen months, financial struggles, my own personal health and exercise goals, and a marriage that has been suffering as a result of me being on overload for too long. It's been a precarious experience and I've been feeling like if I took a moment to breathe, all of the plates wold come crashing down. And broken plates is simply not an option.

So I checked out. On blogging, on life, and on myself. I've stretched myself too thin for too long, so I forced myself to step back and really evaluate my life. I asked questions, about what I want, what's important to me, and what things are not worth my time. Where do I want to be in six months, in a year, in five years? What do I truly want for my family, and for myself? Asking questions like these can be hard, because the answers are not always what we want to hear. But if I'm to get to where I want to be, I need to make some sacrifices, and focus on the things that will help me achieve my goals.

So more negativity. No more living in the past. No more worrying about, or even thinking about, trivial things. It's time to focus on what matters. On the positive, on the meaningful, and on making the most of each and every day.

The Big "D"

Let's be honest: diabetes sucks. None of us asked for it to permeate virtually every aspect of our waking (and sleeping) lives, yet it does. We test, adjust, analyze, treat, bolus, inject, prime, and SWAG countless times a day; so many, in fact, that some days we feel robotic, simply going through the motions in our sleep-deprived state of mind. And then we worry; oh do we ever worry... about lows, highs, carb ratios, basal rates, A1cs, and, most importantly, about the future, both immediate and long term.

Throw in crappy winter weather and it's easy to see why diabetes and depression commonly go hand in hand. (Heck, I could live in balmy sunshine 365 days a year and diabetes would still depressing enough on its own). The seemingly never-ending gray of winter adds a whole new dimension to life with D. Seriously, how many days like this can one take?

Vancouver gets an average of 166 rainy days per year and it's not
uncommon for us too see 20 (or more) consecutive days of rain in winter.

We're talking approximately 27 inches of rain between November and March!

Yeah, you're probably thinking, "Holy crap, why would anyone live there?" We tolerate the rain because occasionally winter gives us a reprieve, we get a day of sun, and can hit the snow on our local mountains...

And we all patiently wait, knowing that summer will bring this....

FYI - this view is a 10 minute walk from where FFL Canada 2012 is being held in August...hint, hint, hint :)

By February, it can seem like winter will never end. I assure you, it will, but in the meantime, here are a few tips for surviving the winter blues:

• Take care of yourself - gets enough sleep; eat a balanced diet, rich in nutrients, and limit processed food; exercise, even if it's only a few minutes a day, the endorphins released during exercise are the best combatant to depression.
• Reduce stress - yeah, right... well, we can try anyway. Again exercise is super helpful here; read a book, watch a funny movie (laughter is a great treatment for depression), take a bath.
• Lean on your support network -your friends and family can be the single most helpful tool you have. Vent, talk, release your worries, knowing that they will still love you. And if that's not an option, the DOC is the best support I know. We know how you feel and we have your back.
• Get outta' dodge - when all else fails, a little vacation can work wonders...

This post is my February entry in the DSMA Blog Carnival.  If you’d like to participate too, you can get all of the information at http://diabetessocmed.com/2012/february-dsma-blog-carnival/.

January Report Card

At the beginning of this month, I outlined one major health goal that I have for this year: balance. My life is messy; it's crazy-busy; and at the end of 2011 I was wiped out. So I made myself a promise: to do whatever it takes to restore balance to my life. And I decided to essentially give myself a monthly "report card" assessing my progress. With one month gone, the question is: did I deliver on my promise?

Physical Health
This area was my strongest going into 2012, and still might be, though there is definitely still lots of room for improvement. My sleep patterns have improved a bit; I still stay up later than I'd like, making me tired during the day, or needing a nap mid-afternoon (which causes the cycle to repeat over and over). My diet is better; I've virtually eliminated take-out from my diet, with the exception of sushi, and am eating regular meals more often, but still battling too many low blood sugars. Again, there is ample room for improvement. Sadly, exercise was basically non-existent in January. I went for a few runs, snowshoed once, and snowboarded once. Pretty sad, considering I usually get in a good workout at least 5 days a week. However, I have set some nice big race goals this year, including a couple of half-marathons, a full marathon, at least 2 long distance bike races, a triathlon, and the Tough Mudder (stay tuned for a post this week about upcoming races/events). The events will motivate me to get moving, and fast. Assessment: C

Mental Health
As a teacher I get a bit of a mental workout every day, and I love to read. I set a goal to read 50 books in 2012, or just under 1 per week, but I only read 2 books this month. I'll have to step it up for February. January's BSC Book Club post will also appear this week. Assessment: C+

Emotional Health
Overall I did pretty good in this area. I was much less stressed this month than usual. I feel calm, grounded, and more connected with my family than I was in late 2011. Always room for improvement here, but increased exercise directly correlates to a decreased stress level for me, so even more reason to step up the cardio. Assessment: B

Spiritual Health
Whoa. No progress in this area this month. Assessment: D

Finding Balance in 2012

The 4 quadrants of health (clockwise from top left): physical, mental, emotional, spiritual

Life is messy. There is no doubt about that. But in the midst of the craziness we all need to find at least some semblance of balance in order to keep from feeling completely disconnected and lost. In 2011, I let that balance elude me, and by the end of the year I was feeling utterly and totally drained, overwhelmed, and exhausted. So my goal for 2012 is to bring balance back to my life by examining each aspect of my health (physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual), and making any changes or adjustments necessary to restore equilibrium.

Is it a "New Year's Resolution?" Call it what you will: a goal, a resolution, a plan, whatever, the term is irrelevant. I need to make some changes in my life, period, and I think the beginning of a new year is just as good a time as any to do that. Besides, there is something therapeutic about a new year and the sense of a fresh start that comes with it.

Over the year, I'll be blogging periodically about my progress, both overall and in each of the 4 specific areas, but for now, these are the basic goals:

Physical

Overall, my physical health is pretty good, but there are a few inconsistencies that I'd like to address. Sleep: I usually get enough sleep, but it rarely follows any predictable pattern. Working on call makes it difficult to get into a routine, but I am hoping to at least start going to bed and getting up at the same times every day, especially on weekends. Night time blood checks will continue as always. Diet: Towards the end of last year my diet got really bad. Too much take-out and fast food, skipping meals, and late night snacking left me feeling tired and my blood sugar going low way too often. I need to eat 3 meals a day at somewhat similar times every day, have regular snacks, and make sure I get protein at every meal to help stabilize my blood sugar. Exercise: My exercise routine almost exactly mirrors my my sleep and diet patterns, so when 1 suffers, all 3 suffer. This year I have some pretty lofty exercise goals (including running my first full marathon), to help keep me on track.

Mental

Last year I rediscovered my love for reading, and I want to build on that in 2012. Once per month I'll be posting about the "Blood, Sweat and Carbs Book Club" and discussing any books I've read that month. This will include diabetes related books and fiction. I am aiming to read 50 books in 2012, or about 1 per week.

Emotional

Stress is my biggest culprit, slowly invading every other aspect of my life. I can learn how to deal with my stress better, let things go, and relinquish some of my need for control. I can be a better wife and better mother. The overlap between this area and the other 3 is huge.

Spiritual

In terms of spiritual heath, I am not entirely sure yet what my exact goals are, but I do know this: I need to be more present and more aware. My life is busy and I tend to get caught up in the day to day details and lose track of what matters most. I would like to find a little bit of time every day just for me, to meditate and clear my head. I am also thinking of returning to church. I haven't been in far too long and I feel like I'm in a good place right now to return.

So those are the basics for now. More specific details and progress reports will appear throughout the year.