Sunday 4 August 2013

August Goals (The Connection Project)

My little connection project is well underway. I've established a focus for August (my spouse) and set up a list of goals that I'll be doing my best to adhere to throughout the month. First off, I should state that there is nothing wrong with the connections I have now. My marriage is doing well, as are the relationships I'll be focusing on in later months. My aim with this project is to build on and strengthen the relationships that are most important in my life; I'll also be developing relationships that are not as established, in later months. So it's not "fixing" per se, but more like "making even better." Time seems to be passing so rapidly, and I want to take a year to get into the practice of being grateful for what I have; to celebrate, enjoy, appreciate, cherish. every day.

I have to admit, I'm really excited about the project. I love trying new things and I know that having daily goals will help keep me accountable. I am a relentless list-maker, and the practice of checking off completed items on a list gives me a sense of satisfaction. While the goals for August are not "new" and are things that really should be practiced daily anyway, by keeping them in the forefront of my mind, I'm hoping to be more aware of their presence and ensure that they happen. So what are the goals for August?
  • Give 1 hug and 1 passionate kiss every day. This is a minimum, it can always be more than 1!
  • Bite my tongue. I have become overly critical of my husband, and I hate it. Even the littlest of criticism I'll be doing to my best to keep to myself, or, even better, spin into a compliment.
  • Ban harsh startup. Anyone that's read John Gottman's The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, will know what I mean by harsh startup. For those that haven't, harsh startup is essentially beginning a discussion in a negative way - with a criticism, in an accusatory tone, etc. It might be because one partner is angry or frustrated and an issue has been building. Or maybe he/she has simply had a bad day. Regardless of the reason, it virtually guarantees a negative outcome and is a marriage killer. I'm guilty of this practice from time to time and have witnessed its futility. Bye-bye harsh startup.
  • Hold my head high. This one will be tough, but I've been practicing for a while and am getting better and better at it. My hubby is one of those people that will never back down from an argument; he will fight any fight, and hold to his beliefs no matter what. In many ways, this one of the things I love about him. He's passionate, loyal, and will always have my back. He would defend me, or anyone he cares about, to the ends of the earth. But being on the opposing side of that in an argument is beyond frustrating, and in the past I have allowed myself to get wrapped up in an argument with him when I know the best solution is to walk away and resume the conversation when we're both calm and adrenaline has settled.
In addition to the 4 goals above, I'll be focusing on keeping myself in the best condition possible. My relationship with my spouse is strongest when we're both healthy, well rested, and calm. For me, that means getting 7.5-8 hours of sleep every night, exercising daily (with at least 4 cardio sessions a week), eating clean (no grains or processed sugar, lots of protein and fresh fruits and veg), and avoiding alcohol and other potential stressors.

1 comment:

  1. These are great pieces of advice and tips to live by. We are working on that too, currently going through the Love Challenge (just at the beginning, after starting and stopping a couple years back.) Good luck!