Thursday 17 November 2011

Let It Go

What's something that bothers you or weighs on you? Let it go. Talk out the letting go process and how you're going to be better to yourself for it.

Fear: a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid. foreboding, apprehension, consternation, dismay, dread, terror, fright, panic, horror, trepidation, qualm. courage,security, calm, intrepidity.

Fear weighs on me every minute of every day. It is part of the reality of having a child with type 1 diabetes. It is the panic I have when I enter his bedroom in the middle of the night to check his blood glucose level and pray that he is still alive. It is the voice in the back of my mind that worries about long term side effects of high blood sugar readings. It is the never ending concern that he will have a low and won't be able to treat it in time. It is the dread of him getting the flu, or any other illness that could potentially put him into the hospital. It is the horror of watching him have a hypoglycemic seizure and rushing the inject him with a 2 inch needle in order to save his life. It is the doubt in my mind that always asks me, "Am I doing enough?" It is a trepidation about his health that never ever goes away.

I carry my fear like a weight on my shoulders, wherever I go. I wish there was a way that I could let it go, but I can't. As long as Dylan has diabetes, my fear will remain.

1 comment:

  1. Thank you for sharing this Jen. It made me think of a story of me and my Mom. I shared it in my Day 18 post, here...